A SURPRISE TO ME

So I've come to realize that I have been really, really surprised about one thing when it comes to adoption. And that is the fact that I'm always waiting for the shoe to drop. We were told that we may experience a lot of problems. Things like inconsolable crying, constant waking at night, problems with attachment, etc. We have not experienced anything like this. He's our easiest kid yet. He cries when he's hungry or tired and then he goes to sleep. He is smart. He engages us eye to eye. At 7 months, he is almost crawling and says Mama and Dada. He is constantly smiling or cooing.

I held our sweet baby tonight and am frankly amazed that I didn't give birth to him. I love him no differently than our girls. I feel that biological closeness that parents feel with their children. I had an odd moment the other day, almost surprised that we didn't look alike. We've had people comment that he just looks like he belongs with us. Meris commented the other day "Mom, you and Dad picked a good one, we really scored didn't we?". For the record, we did not do the picking, we believe he was divinely placed into our family.

So this is what I can't get over. I'm waiting for it all to go to crap. I look at him and I would say there is a distinct fear that it's all going to go bad. He's going to start acting out. He's going to stop sleeping and scream all the time. He's going to reject me. The truth is that it CAN change. But the problem with this line of fear or thinking is that I can spend the next 40 years thinking this way. When will he finally be angry that he was adopted by a Caucasian family? When will he be embarrassed as a teenager that I am somewhat clueless to what a African-American teenage boy really needs? And the thing that really makes me feel pathetic is that I don't do this to my girls. If my girls are driving me crazy, I automatically chalk it up to a stage or a moment. I don't burden them or myself with this fear. Don't get me wrong, I don't stay up at night thinking about this(I fall asleep way too fast for that!). But I would say that it's just this itch that keeps scratching my brain and it won't go away. I don't want to raise this beautiful gift from God while feeling this sense of anxiety. It's not fair to either of us.

I would love to know if anyone out there in adoption land has felt the same and what they did about it.

JANUARY IN CALIFORNIA

At first I didn't take the slip'n'slide request seriously. I thought for sure it would only last a few minutes and then 2 hours later we were finally cleaning up.

HODGE PODGE AND "CHICKEN STARS"

So here you can see Meris knocking herself out to get Elias laughing. Chicken stars, you may inquire? Well that comes from the fact that we just told her that we would be going to Carl's Jr for dinner. Yes, she loves the place THAT much. And you know, we dine big here at the Fraser house. You can also witness the parenting that goes with 3, you see the toddler affixed to the counter? Niiiiiccce. And then we could go into how "clean" my house is but then I would just be repeating myself. See previous post.

And then the hodge podge, a collection of pictures from the last few weeks. Still trekking along nicely here. I went back to work part-time. Which to quote my husband, was a bit of a poke in the eye. I was just getting the family schedule down and getting my system going in the house. But a big HOWEVER would be appropriate here. It was a very beautiful moment when this person walked out the door at o'dark thirty and stopped for a latte' at Starbucks. You see I left the house with just my purse. I also got myself showered and dressed without disruption. And the coup d'etat? I loaded just myself in the car. I did not need to dress and feed any children. In fact I chuckled as I trotted out the door. And lovingly wondered why I did not receive my normal morning cell phone call at work! Could it be that my sweet husband was busy? Just maybe so.


A last minute trip to San Francisco!


Feeling sassy in her new outfit from Oma and Opa


Just sweet as usual


This was an awesome onesie that some good friends gave us. Pretty appropriate!


Park time!

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND NO, I HAVE NOT LEFT BLOGLAND!

Merry Christmas everyone! OK, I could just preface each of my posts with why I haven't posted, which is because I have been really busy. But I will not continue to do that because, well...it's cliche and boring! And really, we are all busy, so there.

Life with our latest arrival is really, really great. It was exactly 4 weeks ago today that we met him at Hannah's Hope in Ethiopia. He is a joy. Thus, I am going to say "it" in print, which will inevitably lead to a sleepless night. Elias sleeps through the night EVERY night. He goes down anytime between 8 and 10 at night and he waits for us to find him smiling in his crib at 9 AM. Yes, 9 AM. It has been a blessed treat because it actually gives us morning time with the ladies which has been invaluable. He is smiley and sweet pretty much all the time. He definitely is a bit more needy during the day so the payoff at night is most lovely. He pretty much won't tolerate being put down longer than 10 minutes so the ERGO pack has been a lifesaver as his weight has only seemed to increase:). He seems to be quite attached to us, yet easygoing about others. He usually loves his car seat as he has regular entertainment in the form of giggling girls in the back seat.

We are feeling incredibly "lucky" and blessed that we are spending Christmas together. I definitely feel this sense of completion with him in our family. He was ordained to be part of us, he is here and all the angst of waiting is over.

SO LET'S GET REAL HERE....

SHINY HAPPY PEOPLE PICTURES






NOW BACK TO REALITY.....OUR HOUSE!





Just thought I would give you a sampling of our messy house. I could also provide pictures of crying, clingy children. I could also provide a snapshot of me totally losing it on our 6 year old for not getting dressed even though we had asked her to do so 8 times. And I could also let you view pictures of all three children wailing when we went to get a Chrismas tree. Merry Christmas to us. I didn't really take pictures of these events but you know what I mean. I don't ever want to give people the idea that absorbing a 3rd child is a walk in the park and that my house is sanitary and shining at any given moment. But at the very same time, it has been a huge and overwhelming blessing. Our kids are awesome and healthy. I am truly so thankful for my life.

We have been struck twice with stomach flu, which is interesting to me. We rarely ever, ever get a bug like that. And then to have it get us 2 weeks in a row, what a lovely coming home present. I am just now waking up from the stupor of nighttime puking. Thanking God for such a great husband...he had it last week so it was payback time!!!!!!!

Elias had his first check-up yesterday. Except for a mild ear infection, he looks great. He has slept though all but one night (this quality, makes him particularly endearing). I spend a lot of my time fending off his groupie like sisters, they are all over him and he never gets a break. The girls love him and cannot get enough of him. And for the curious...big boy weighed in at 23 pounds and 13 oz!! He is 95th percentile for head and length but off the charts for weight. DOH!!!

*I would like to note that the messy pictures of the house do not do justice to actual reality. I was looking through the pictures and thought to myself "Hey that's what the house looks like all the time!". But seriously, the house was starting to stink...:)

FINALLY!!!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Here's a little slide show to TRY and depict in a small way what our trip was like. I am still processing this wonderful miracle in our lives, Rob is curled up in the fetal position with food poisoning and all the children are fast asleep (for now:)).
Note: The food poisoning was not from Ethiopia!! We were perfectly healthy for the trip, thank God!!!

INTRODUCING.......

ELIAS BRUCE ABINET FRASER




So excited to share with you our sweet little guy. Thank you so much for all your kind words and encouragement. We got back today so all the details will have to come later. Our trip was wonderful in every way (except for the freakishly long plane ride, more on that later too!:))