A SURPRISE TO ME

So I've come to realize that I have been really, really surprised about one thing when it comes to adoption. And that is the fact that I'm always waiting for the shoe to drop. We were told that we may experience a lot of problems. Things like inconsolable crying, constant waking at night, problems with attachment, etc. We have not experienced anything like this. He's our easiest kid yet. He cries when he's hungry or tired and then he goes to sleep. He is smart. He engages us eye to eye. At 7 months, he is almost crawling and says Mama and Dada. He is constantly smiling or cooing.

I held our sweet baby tonight and am frankly amazed that I didn't give birth to him. I love him no differently than our girls. I feel that biological closeness that parents feel with their children. I had an odd moment the other day, almost surprised that we didn't look alike. We've had people comment that he just looks like he belongs with us. Meris commented the other day "Mom, you and Dad picked a good one, we really scored didn't we?". For the record, we did not do the picking, we believe he was divinely placed into our family.

So this is what I can't get over. I'm waiting for it all to go to crap. I look at him and I would say there is a distinct fear that it's all going to go bad. He's going to start acting out. He's going to stop sleeping and scream all the time. He's going to reject me. The truth is that it CAN change. But the problem with this line of fear or thinking is that I can spend the next 40 years thinking this way. When will he finally be angry that he was adopted by a Caucasian family? When will he be embarrassed as a teenager that I am somewhat clueless to what a African-American teenage boy really needs? And the thing that really makes me feel pathetic is that I don't do this to my girls. If my girls are driving me crazy, I automatically chalk it up to a stage or a moment. I don't burden them or myself with this fear. Don't get me wrong, I don't stay up at night thinking about this(I fall asleep way too fast for that!). But I would say that it's just this itch that keeps scratching my brain and it won't go away. I don't want to raise this beautiful gift from God while feeling this sense of anxiety. It's not fair to either of us.

I would love to know if anyone out there in adoption land has felt the same and what they did about it.

JANUARY IN CALIFORNIA

At first I didn't take the slip'n'slide request seriously. I thought for sure it would only last a few minutes and then 2 hours later we were finally cleaning up.

HODGE PODGE AND "CHICKEN STARS"

So here you can see Meris knocking herself out to get Elias laughing. Chicken stars, you may inquire? Well that comes from the fact that we just told her that we would be going to Carl's Jr for dinner. Yes, she loves the place THAT much. And you know, we dine big here at the Fraser house. You can also witness the parenting that goes with 3, you see the toddler affixed to the counter? Niiiiiccce. And then we could go into how "clean" my house is but then I would just be repeating myself. See previous post.

And then the hodge podge, a collection of pictures from the last few weeks. Still trekking along nicely here. I went back to work part-time. Which to quote my husband, was a bit of a poke in the eye. I was just getting the family schedule down and getting my system going in the house. But a big HOWEVER would be appropriate here. It was a very beautiful moment when this person walked out the door at o'dark thirty and stopped for a latte' at Starbucks. You see I left the house with just my purse. I also got myself showered and dressed without disruption. And the coup d'etat? I loaded just myself in the car. I did not need to dress and feed any children. In fact I chuckled as I trotted out the door. And lovingly wondered why I did not receive my normal morning cell phone call at work! Could it be that my sweet husband was busy? Just maybe so.


A last minute trip to San Francisco!


Feeling sassy in her new outfit from Oma and Opa


Just sweet as usual


This was an awesome onesie that some good friends gave us. Pretty appropriate!


Park time!