I'm feeling so positive today, don't you see? Yeah, not really. Amongst other families, we found out we have been delayed at least another month. If (I feel like) we're lucky. We had a court date last week and there was one necessary piece of paperwork missing. We have a court date in early November, but again there is no guarantee we will pass through that go around either. This is, by definition, international adoption. It is a crazy, crazy, crazy ride. And I'm the one on the ride holding up her hand saying, "I'm gonna puke". I feel super exhausted and so conflicted. There's a beautiful baby boy that I'm supposed to have in my arms and as if in a dream, I just can't seem to pick him up. Both Rob and I felt like we didn't even want to get out of bed today. Pretty pathetic, I know. There are many people suffering much worse, but I just can't seem to get the ouch to go away.
17 comments:
i'm so sorry for your delay. i can't imagine what that feels like to be so close and yet be held back from holding your son in your arms. i pray this time will go by quickly. thanks for giving those of us who will inevitably face similar things in this wild ride of adoption a realistic perspective of the joys and sorrows. i think not getting out of bed sounds perfectly acceptable in the situation. so does pizza for breakfast in that bed.
I am sorry to hear this, very sorry to hear this.
I am so sorry for you...CB and I felt that way Tuesday morning...I am praying for you! God Bless...Shannon
Jana,
I felt the same way today. I actually didn't get up until like 10:00 and Mike took care of the children. I am super bummed. I just keep thinking "will she ever be home?" I am totally trusting in God and I do......yet my heart hurts today. When will they come home??? Why is this happening? I am so ready.
Michelle
I am so sorry Jana. I pray there will be some peace for you both duinrg this wait. Know that I am praying for you.
That just sucks. Sorry for the bad news :-( We should plan a bunch of things to do over the next few weeks so the time will fly by!!
Jana, having your own biological children the urgency to have Elias here and not to miss a breath, sneeze or bm is magnified. *Sigh* I hate when there is nothing to do but wait on someone else. "Hurry up and wait." "You used a medium point pen, oh so sorry, we needed fine point." You, Rob and everyone else who takes this journey are so brave. I feel your pain, and I'm sorry it hurts so much. Dawn
Jana, I am SO bummed for you. Praying for the guts to hang on for the ride for you!
that is total crap. not really another way i could think of to express it. i'm so sorry for you guys. i will pray that God would comfort you all-be sure to pour out everything to Him, He's good for listening! (plus He never responds with anything stupid like we people often do in our attempt to help!!)
I am so sorry. I DO know what you are going thru, from our Guatemalan adoption. We were in the court system 13 weeks with 2 kick outs...the delays were killing me. Even though your baby is SOOOOOO far away they are YOUR baby and your want them home ASAP and you ache to hold them! I feel for you. I hope Nov is the magic date :)
The waiting stinks in general. The denial of something (already) waited for stinks the worst. As far as timing, remember that God's timing is perfect and that if your baby isn't coming home right now, its because there is a more perfect time that's still coming! (You may have to tell me this a zillion times before we're through.)
Praying for peace,
nell ann
I don't blame you for not wanting to get out of bed! It just doesn't seem right that you can't just hop a plane and go get him. Seems like it would be so much easier for all involved. Our God is bigger than all of this. Continue to lean on Him.
I remember how frustrating this waiting was and I also remember not wanting to get out of bed some days :)! It's crazy how much you can love your child without even "knowing" them yet. That ache is REAL - and it hurts when you can't just go to them. Know that I am praying for you Jana (and Rob too).
"As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy."
James 5:11
The Lord will be with you through this incredible roller coaster ride and what He will bring about in the end will be AMAZING!!!
Hang in there! Praying for y'all!
so sorry to hear this, praying for you guys and a fast month!!!
Dear Jana and Rob,
I was thinking of you today and took a look at your blog. I'm sorry for the heart ache you have. Longing for your son and not able to hold him. I hope and pray that this will soon end and that he will come home soon.
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" Rom 15:13
Much love Maya Lomax
It truly is a painful ride and at times I wanted to puke, too. Mostly, I cried and cheered and sobbed and screamed...but, your beautiful baby will be home and in your arms. He really will.
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