It was a Friday morning. I had already worked 4 nights and was heading in for a 5th of the week. I was greasy. I was gross. And I was having a first class MELTDOWN. It was ugly cry sobbing.
I do believe the best quote during my rampage was, "You know what babe(Rob)? There's only a couple of things that I'm good at. One, I'm really good at sitting on my butt and two, I'm really great at eating chocolate! And that's it! I'm just awful at anything else!!!" And then the crying continued. I went on and on about how my life is so out of control, how our house is a total pigsty. How I'm really not that great of a mother. How I'm getting chunky. How I don't have any discipline whatsoever. It went on forever. I couldn't stop crying. And my dear sweet husband just hugged me.
It was amazingly pathetic, but I'm pretty sure some of you out there might have had this happen to them as well. Sometimes it's all too much. And you know what else I do when I feel this way? I tell myself what a pathetic pile of doo-doo I am because I AM NOT STARVING TO DEATH. I AM NOT UNDER A PILE OF RUBBLE IN HAITI. I HAVE NOT BEEN SWEPT AWAY BY A TSUNAMI. I HAVE NOT LOST A CHILD TO A SEXUAL PREDATOR.
And that is when the true ugly soul in me pops out. I am sitting in a warm house with loved ones. I have a fridge (or two) stocked with food. Yet, I am crying like it's the end of the world.
Fast forward about 30 minutes. I am still crying. It has slowed to a medium sniffle but yes, I can't stop crying. My husband in desperation has left for Starbucks hoping maybe a latte will stop the flow. I mean seriously, after awhile, what's a guy to do?
It's at this point that this sweet almost 2 year old Ethiopian boy climbs up on to the couch. Mind you, I am still in a fetal position. My sweet boy, crawls up to me, and wedges himself into my chest. This dear sweet child takes his hand and pats me on the shoulder and whispers "oh mommy". And while he just pats me and rubs me it occurs to me, maybe in all my faults and ugliness; I have done something right.
12 comments:
Love it when your children remind you that they love you too. The only thing that really helps me when I feel that way :)Very sweet :)
Hugs for you! We all feel like that! (Well, I do at least). Sweet, sweet, boy.
Aww, sweet baby boy.
I feel the same way sometimes, too. Sometimes being a mom and doing everything else is so overwhelming!
Oh Jana, i am totally there with you some dayz ;) you are NOT alone, guarantee. and the way your story wrapped up was simply beautiful, inspiring.... love u girl.
My husband says he has NO idea what you're talking about. Your little boy is so sweet.
Sweet Boy! Isn't it a blessing when our kids love us at our ugliest moments? You are a fun and fantastic mom...hang in there, and thanks for keeping it real. It feels kind of good to put our ugliness out into cyberspace and let it go. :) Hoping for a better week for you!
Sounds hormonal? Is number 4 on the way? Ha HA!
Samuel burps me, patting my back. How do they know how to melt our hearts so completely?
We miss you and your family. Any plans to visit the Central Coast?
Lots of love,
Kim
wow!! You spoke the words that are in my mind/heart right now!!! Ughh.... I'm in a place that I can't seem to get out of!! Glad you shared! Thanks! And obviously you're doing right with your kiddos! Sweet, sweet boy! :)
btw.... been thinking about you tons. We need to get together again. :)
oh my goodness! love this post. LOVE it. and I have been there girl, about feeling POOPY at everything I do. I really understand! thanks for being vulnerable.
beautiful post! and yes, I think every mother has been there. You are a great mommy!
been there done that =D
I am writing to ask for your permission to include your posts on
AdoptionExperiences.com and include a link to your blog in our
directory. We would
include a link back to your blog fully crediting you for your work
along with a profile about you listed on AdoptionExperiences.com .
Please let us
know as soon as possible.
Mike@adoptionexperiences.com
Mike Thomas
Editor-in-Chief
AdoptionExperiences.com
Post a Comment